If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
