If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Farmville is her only friend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
