just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
