Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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