I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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