I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
