When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
