the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
