I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
