I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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