This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
