I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
