Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
