Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
