my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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