it hurts more in the daytime
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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