He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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