i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
