Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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