you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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