see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
