how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
