Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
