I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
jump out the window naked night went bad
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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