i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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