bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
