did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
