Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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