just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
