Me too!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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