She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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