I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My bed smells like the plague
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