Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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