and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize