I must be too annoying 4 u.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
