all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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