I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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