i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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