is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
