They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
