Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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