Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just pee around me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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