Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize