covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
