Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
