You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
