I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have post one night stand depression
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
