Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
