they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
