Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
