I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
