ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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