Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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