cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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