I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
