i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
