first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
