I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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