i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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