The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
