I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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