okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to make a zoo with you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
