When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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