You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
