The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
