So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
