Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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