I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
