someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
