Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize