dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
