this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
