I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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