i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
