Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
