Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
