You made me cry and you don't even care
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
