Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
