My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have already put on my inside pants.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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